Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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