He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
