He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
