i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
