when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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