you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
