you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
