i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
