You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
