Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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