the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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