As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
