Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
