my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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I'm just crazy horny about you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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