I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
