just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize