it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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