Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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