dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
