got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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