My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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