I'm going to jail i love you
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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