Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
