can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
