i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize