Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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