He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
