And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
