Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i barfeds in our rink
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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