what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
