i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
