I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
