i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
