im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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