I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
