Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
