Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
