Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
