3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
