you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
try to milk me bitch
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