woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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