When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
