dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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