My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
