guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wakey wakey hands off snakey
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
