took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
