Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
