a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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