just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
