i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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