Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
