The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
