Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
