On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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