Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
