What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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