Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
