I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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