you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She bit a glass in half.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
