id be glad to
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
