She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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