I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
