So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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