And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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