True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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