He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
