Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
