We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
