first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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