just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
