I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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