Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
