You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
