I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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