if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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