Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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